| only if my love was a blank canvass |
[May. 3rd, 2009|03:49 am] |
so reflecting on thoughts and memories..
from past till eternity..
here i am upfront and personal, naked for all too see..
and now does depression kick in..
no i am here chain smoking not thinking of all my problems..
too many to list..
too many to say...
i am out of control, as of today..
and just this hott mess that i have been for years..
it's not a pretty sight..
yet i dwell in fear..
love was just a four letter word
meant nothing to me..
yet hear,
i stand
you gave it a true meaning..
and now i understand...
you are perfection, you are a breath, an angel sent from heaven or from this depth....
i cry your name in the dark...
your tears taste and take the life from me...
never have i felt such painful misery..
i live each day as if the last..
yet i can't shake..
memories from the past..
i know you can't be here and now..
i guess.. i dream of this pain you bring me down..
you've opened eyes.. and now i see..
a vision a missing entity..
in this life or the next,
we part this life, like nothings left
but untill the next.. we will see..
this is just an unspoken bond that we share..
for you and you alone..
i still bare..
i will sit here slumped a sunder..
thinking, contemplating.. of our wonder...
can you see through the vastness of time..
can i wait when you will be mine.. |
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| incest |
[Apr. 17th, 2009|03:21 am] |
well...
what i can say..
i was involved into extreme incestual encounters...
i bore witness to my gf... being sexually involved with her dad..
and his gf molested me...
and i have no ill will towards to it... and i am thankfull for it...
it helped define who i am... and why i have such an attraction to incest... and family members having sex...
this really is where i see the root of my perversions...
and hope to find a female who into the same situations...
i really do.. and this is what i want
and hope to find... i really need too
and really do hope to god i do find
a female who will understand me... |
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| funny from plenty of fish... |
[Feb. 3rd, 2009|07:16 am] |
Self-Confidence
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
Family Orientation
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.
Self-Control
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
Openness
As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.
Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.
Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.
Easygoingness
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.
How does your personality affect your love life?
With the strong degree of self-confidence that you possess, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life.
Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique. |
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| our country |
[Jan. 12th, 2009|04:35 am] |
i saw
something horrible from china...
and now.. i am going to
well be as i saw..
'
welcome to saw five.. |
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| bbc america |
[Jan. 12th, 2009|04:12 am] |
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brothers and sisters in love was amazing... it was brilliant |
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| at times |
[Dec. 4th, 2008|02:55 am] |
is it just in the memories.. shared in passing... is this how we remember...
is this how we are...
said you better lie down..
cause the angels are watching....
she closed her eyes, get through the talking
you can hurt me, do whatever you like...
either way i feel i am drifting..
still needing longing...
i have not been on here as much as myspace...
but i need to be here is where i will start venting opening up...
feeling lonely and confused...
if you want to know more what no one hears... req... to be added... |
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| love seeing it... |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|04:12 am] |
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its all lost.. so now peeps are stealing my gif's really? why... ? |
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| real eyes... realize, real lyies... |
[Jun. 29th, 2008|06:24 am] |
not sure where this angst is aimed to..
like nofx said...
"they've blown out the fire...
of the melting pot...
the red blood of america is starting to clot..."
either way i have huge issues with society's norms.. with orginized religion..
the DNC is going to be wicked awesome... here is too all agnostic's, anarchists, and nihilist...
anarachy and choas, now that is fun.. and a good time...
if we are going to inflict change.. don't settle...
we gotta do it now..
back to a simple principle
"don't anybody vote for Nader
we all know george bush is an imbecile
he loves Dick
but hates homosexuals
were sick and tired
of the embarrassment
the whole world wants us to get a better president
i wanna move north and be a canadian
or head down low with the nice austrailians
i don't wanna be another i don't care again
what are we going to do
franco
franco unamerican... "
nofx
change should be now.. this time.. this place.. |
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| don’t you see i aim to be, |
[Mar. 31st, 2008|05:49 am] |
don’t you see i aim to be,
a trophy boy, seeking a trophy wife...
in my time..
i tell to many lies..
i swear to shake it up
i don’t listen
i’m desperate for attention...
in my time
i’ve seen to many lies..
we’re far to young
desperate for attention..
i don’t believe
this is not my prologue..
i don’t aim to be
a trophy boy, seeking a trophy wife
i feel so young
and desperate for attention
what i need
i long to be
what i see
i swear to be
to young shaken for attention
i lose to to be
show me lies.
tell me sweat little lies.. |
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| lets compare scars |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|10:55 pm] |
RISE AGAINST LYRICS
"Swing Life Away"
Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand....until you hold my hand
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand |
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| my nightmare.. i hate |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|03:03 am] |
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i hate that i can not just pass you over.. and just say meh.. but you have so many things that i am attracted to.. teaching me a foreign language was amazing, exceding where most can't.. and seeing you with your new bf... was not to easy to take.. God i really hope i am not falling for you.. cause that might be bad.. and i am deathly scared to utter the i "l" you words... but i can see myself saying it for you... and would and would do so much more.. you are amazing... |
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| i fear i have covered my scars for far too long |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|04:06 am] |
i don’t need your apathy..
i fear i have covered my scars for far too long, but i see the beauty in them.. in showing, and having no guilt.. and knowing that however deep they are.. they are always on display, and in times that i want to allow them to re-open.. i love you my friends for being there and being my personal voice of reason.. you honestly are the soul reason that i am still around... cause when things are bad.. they are bad for a reason.. and you are my hope that floats.. and i thank you those that are there in the bad times.. for being there... |
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If you are kewl.. you should |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|04:05 am] |
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well.. check out my pics.. and comment on them.. cause i am a cam whore.. and need self-affirmation.. so won't you please help... ohh.. and ps.. letters on community service too.. but either way ... i love you all.. and found my favorite Alki song.. Sadie... it reminds me.. of looking for a gf.. that i can love and live with like, Jack and Sally, and have hollween on christmas, if we want.. and if you know the referrence.. i love you already... |
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| if you are ever going to read my blog this is the one to read... |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|02:52 am] |
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well.. hmm where to start my drunken rant.. so.. i am attracted to girls who are envoved for one.. and the reason that i am attracted to them, i think. is cause if someone else is willing to go out with them.. why shouldn't i... no thats not the reason... its cause, its far less hassle.. and trouble that i don't have worry about... jk thanks leisha... you know what i mean.. but seriously.. on to the subject at hand... i hate amatures.. retards that go out and really know nothing about anything... cause me so much angest.. wait is that how you spell it.. meh i don't care.. but seriously does a night of drinking cause you to loose all your manners and civility and comman regard for your fellow person... cause i want to know. cause if it does.. i will be the first to fly the flag of anarchy.. and show you all what DK was really talking about... all us anarchist just need to orginize.. wait that goes against our movement..... sorry but i got side tracked but just remember this boys and girls love as cliche as it sounds.. really does triumph over all.. |
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| equal exchange |
[Oct. 11th, 2007|04:09 am] |
human kind can not gain anything
without first giving something
in return
to obtain
something of equal value must be lost
that is alchemey first law
of equevelant exchange
in those days
we really beleieved that too be
the worlds to be the one and
only truth.. |
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